Gross

That’s the only word that comes to mind when I think of the things which I will be blogging about today.

The first is a little story about my eldest child, a little something that happened on Friday afternoon.  Something that I am about 40% sure is a bad idea to be sharing with the public but the other 60% just thinks it’s a crazy enough story that I can’t keep it to myself.

So Friday, we were planning a little weekend getaway to Nene and Papa’s house in Nashville and while we were waiting for Brandon to finish up at work, I told the kids that they were to stay outside getting all their wiggles out.  IT was a beautiful day, it was Friday, it was relatively warm and I had floors that needed cleaned desperately.  So I let them take whatever toys they wanted out into the great outdoors and told them they couldn’t come back inside until Daddy got home.  It’s funny how children chose which of our parental instructions to follow.  How many times have I asked Mattie to just consider hanging up her towel after she showers, or at least take it back into the bathroom?  Daily, I have to remind Reese to please turn around and eat over the table and that when mommy says to put away your shoes, behind the guest bathroom toilet is not where I am meaning.  Seriously, that last one happens every day.  If shoes come up missing, we always look behind the guest bathroom toilet and you are sure to find at least two pair.

But this particular instruction, “stay outside” on this particular day, they took very seriously.  So seriously that when they finally did come inside, Mattie was carrying her socks and Reese her panties, and they greeted me with a jolly, “Sissy had an accident!” The panties being off for an accident I could understand, her brother being the one to be carrying them…that was a little odd.  But the socks?  And she was wearing her shoes so what in the world had happened to the socks?  Part of me didn’t even want to know, just toss it in the dirty clothes and let’s think about it later.  But that other part of me, probably the part that also was in favor of sharing this story, just needed to know more.  So I asked…….”What kind of accident did you have, Mattie?” You always know its going to a bad place when your child starts their explanation with, “Remember how you said we had to stay outside and couldn’t come in?”  So it seems that Mattie had to go to the bathroom, number 2 and being the exceptional child that she is, ever obedient at all costs, she decided it would probably be best to just go outside.  Let me take this opportunity to state that I have never, NEVER encouraged my children to defecate outside.  The only child who we make use the potty outside is the canine one.  I have never ever suggested that the backyard could be a possible option for bathroom activities.  So where she got this idea that even though she needed to go pooh she couldn’t come inside, I have no idea.  Okay, well the story was starting to make a bit more sense, but what about the socks in her hands?

So I asked, “what happened to your socks?” Mattie’s response was a very calm, “Oh, I took my shoes off while I was poohing (logical enough, don’t we all take our shoes off when we go…..no) and then I lost my balance and that how my socks got yucky.” So not only was my 8-year-old poohing in the backyard, but she decided that it would be best to take off her shoes to do it.  I really didn’t know what to make of any of this, especially the fact that she and her brother thought nothing of the whole incident.  I feel like I have failed them somewhere along the line.  I’m not sure at what point you are supposed to have the “don’t pooh in the yard” talk, probably somewhere between “stranger/danger” and where babies come from.

So all I have to say about that is……Gross.

My next gross happened this morning.  I went to make coffee and to my surprise, I saw brown coffee filters in our cabinet.  I knew that we had about ten filters left sitting on top of an unopened package of new ones, and on Friday they were white.  Not sure where these brown ones came from, but that was okay they would work just the same…..get ready for the gross….except they were wet.  They were brown because they were wet with some unknown brown wet something.  Upon closer examination, I found a puddle of the brown juice in the unopened filters, too.  Then I saw that it was coming from the top of the cabinet.  I decided that’s all I needed to see.  Brandon was getting ready for work and I told him that I was pretty sure we had a new, expensive problem lurking up in the space between the floor upstairs in our master bathroom and the ceiling in the kitchen.  Your mind goes to all sorts of yucky places when there’s brown liquid leaking from your ceiling.  I’m really looking forward to the repair man who is supposed to come for a visit tomorrow morning, but in the mean time, all I can think about is that no matter how much I sweep or clean off the counter tops, there is still a body possibly decomposing and dripping through my kitchen ceiling.

Gross……

That all seemed like enough gross for a good month, but then I realised I was eating ramen noodles today out of Reese’s Grave Digger mug that his father got for him at Monster Jam.  I’ve even included a picture so that you could get as close to the full effect as possible.  Gross right?

Then I lost Lila’s shoe.  Not just any shoe, but her special one of a kind, made by my dear friend Pam little russian doll shoe.  I love those shoes.  We lost them twice during our errand running, but each time I noticed right away and was able to back track and find them.  Still, somehow I only managed to make it home with one. I wanted to cry.  I still want to cry.  I was going to save those little shoes forever.  It might not be brain noodles in a skull mug or pooh on socks, but it’s still gross.

Gross is also waiting to find out test results for someone who means the world to you.  Bracing yourself for the worst, trying to remember to breath.  That’s even grosser than the dripping ceiling.  Luckily, that one had a better finish at the end of the day.

So, gross.  What has been your favorite gross moment of the day?

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