August 4, 1975

I would like to take a moment here to wish my big brother, Matt, a Happy Birthday.  I would like to tell him that I am so proud of the man he grew up to be, because there were some times in his youth that I think we were all a little concerned.  He will, to the day I die, always be the best friend I have ever had and my favorite part of childhood.  I would like to take this moment to give him grief about almost being 40 and getting so very old.  I would like to give him a hug and then tell him I was just kidding….but not really.  I would like to take a moment to say how much I wish I was getting to enjoy a big piece of birthday cake, celebrating 38 years.

I would like more than anything to do even one of these things, for that would mean that my Matt was still here.

Instead, this day has been spent remembering how lucky I am to have been his little sister for 27 years.  I am celebrating the life he led, that he was born 38 years ago making me the luckiest little girl to have him as her big brother.  I am celebrating the lessons he taught me, even in his death, I learned so much that has made me a better person.  And to be completely honest, I am missing my “big” today.  I’m not gonna lie, since the day he left I have felt a little less than whole.  And here on the day that he was born, I can’t help but feel reminded that the one of the people who has been there since the beginning of my story, isn’t here to be a part of this the middle.  The part that’s supposed to be the most interesting.  And I can’t help but feel that the story of me would be a little better, a little funnier and little more enjoyable, if he were here to be a part of it.

So if you have a brother or sister or both, for me, would you please remind them that they are special to you today?  Let them know that they matter and they are a little piece of why you are who you are.

I once read a quote that said “To the outside world, we all grow old, but not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were.  We know each other’s hearts.  We share family feuds, secrets, griefs and joys.  We live outside the touch of time.” – Clara Ortega

And I have to agree, my brother knew me from my very first day and up until a few years ago, I knew no time where he wasn’t there.  We might not always agree and boy could we fight, but no one protected me like my brother.  He was fiercely loyal and I to him.  We could stay in each others company for hours, having not spoken a word but feel completely caught up with one another.  And even though I might have called out for mom or dad, it was amazing how my brother’s arms, even as just a little boy, could work just as well.

Forever young, Happy August 4th to everyone whose lives were touched by Matthew Todd Reese.

My last picture of and with him. Matt Reese, Mattie Belle and Kay

Birthday Love

This post is mainly for one little reader in particular.  She is near and dear to my heart even though I don’t get to see her nearly as much as  I would like and have missed each of her birthdays so far.

The Girlie with the big blue eyes

This precious little lady is turning 2 today, and it seems nearly impossible that she has only been here on this earth for 2 short years.  Her personality is way bigger than her little body, a tiny little woman who at 2 already has very specific tastes and preferences.

Baby Kiki, about 6 months old

She is fearless and has this fantastic little glare she will shoot you when you tell her to be careful.  She is already independent and self-sufficient at many things, paving her own way even though she has an older sister to prepare the way.  Seems as though she doesn’t want to go exactly the same way as her big sis, and that’s fine.

Being fierce and mighty, hanging out at the top of the stairs

A game of catch between Daddy and Uncle B

She is vivacious and expressive and passionate…and still often finds herself sitting portions of church out because she hasn’t mastered her quiet voice yet.  She sparkles. She dances and she is a little personality that is preparing to do big things in this world.

The sky’s the limit for this little one

Being fierce and mighty, hanging out at the top of the stairs

I love this little lady

I myself have children like I have just described, the type that when people see us in a store or basically any public place, they tend to make some comment about me having my hands full.  I often feel like that’s a kind way of saying that they don’t envy me.  But I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I love that my niece Kiki is the same.  She is a handful of silly and spunk.  She is a handful of generous kisses and hugs. She is a handful of happy and I think we mommies and aunties with our hands full are the luckiest.

I imagine these two as little old ladies

First time meting Lila and even at about 8 months old, Kiki immediately adored her

Kiki even has a special little place in Reese’s heart…the boy who is especially selective about his people

She may be small, but she is mighty and watch out world because you will never be the same now that she’s here.

Sweet girlie

We love you Kiki Joy Murrill…Murrman # 8 Happiest of birthdays sweet girl.

I Am Proud of Her Today

I am proud of my girl today.

I’m proud because when we went to Target to look at lunch bags, she didn’t grab yet another bedazzled, tacky one just because she doesn’t want to leave the store empty handed…..like last year.  I don’t care what she says, I know good and well she never really loved that Littlest Pet SHop bird bag  she carried to school for 2nd grade.  She just felt the need for instant gratification.  Anyway, it was a proud moment watching her scrunch up her face, the wheels of decisiveness grinding away, (I don’t have those wheels) and in a remarkably short amount of time she turned back and said, “I don’t really see anything I love. Let’s keep looking somewhere else.” Who was this child?  Not only was she passing up on tacky and sparkly, which is huge, but she was willing to leave without actually having a new lunch bag in her possession.  Mattie is the same child who wants a souvenir pamphlet at the car dealership just to say she got something.

Could it be she might be maturing just a little?  Could it be that maybe my subtle hints that sometimes less is more might possibly be taking root?  Is it possible that anything I say to her is actually sticking?  It looks like maybe so!

But the biggest reason for my being proud, I think the Target realization was more of a relief than actual pride, came today.

We live in Memphis, home of St. Jude’s Children’s Reasearch Hospital.  Everything around here is a supporter of St. Jude in some way or another.  The name gets tossed out a lot and every time we drive home to see Mumsey and Poppy, we pass the giant St. Jude Campus.  It didn’t take long for Mattie to start asking what it was shortly after we moved here and when she saw her first little kiddo with their chemo haircut, it shocked her.  Ever since she was probably 6, we have been sending up a prayer for the St. Jude kids when we go over the bridge into Arkansas and she has been saving her hair to give it to Locks of Love.  Her Aunt Shannie did it a while back and the idea has stuck with Mattie ever since.

She has been looking forward to this for months now, refusing to cut her now crazy, out of control, Mattie-the-jungle-woman hair until it was long enough.  So Tuesday night I measure it.  Locks of Love require 10 inches of hair and I wanted to make sure we had a little more than that, just to be on the safe side.

Her braid was a ruler length long.

It was time.

I called and made our appointment and today was the big chop.

Our poor hair fairy Nan was not nearly as prepared for this as we were.  I think it took her a good 5 minutes to compose herself and actually make the big cut.  She probably put Mattie’s hair in a ponytail 3 times before it was “just right”.  I think she was stalling.  And each time, she asked Mattie is she was sure she wanted to do this.  I guess maybe we should have let her in on our plans a month or two ago so that she could have been ready.

Jungle girl hair

Pulled as long as it will go

Finally, there was no more stalling.  Nan gave me one more hard look, saying from one mother to another, “You do realize what you are about to do don’t you?”

snip, snip

Oh, that was rough!

 

And then it was gone.

It was a little disturbing, I’m not gonna lie

Trying not to look super proud of herself

Like that, I blinked and there was a different child sitting in that seat.

Now, unlike many of the others that know and love Mattie, I have known and loved her with a short bob and where they see a much older girl, I see this girl:

Mattie at 5

Short hair reminds me of a shorter girl

4 1/2 here

I have also had 2 years to roll this idea around in my head, so it wasn’t nearly as devastating as say the great Reese hair chop of May.  That one still hurts to look back at.

But long hair or short hair, its whats in that little brain that matters the most to me.  And right now, Mattie’s little head (and brain) is the most beautiful it’s ever been to me.  I know they say our feelings are in our heart, but feelings only go so far without thoughts and actions….our brain (I also realize that feelings are in our brains as well, but just bear with me.) I am so proud that my little one’s head, is starting to think about other people.  That amongst the other glittery, sparkly, 8-year-old thoughts that float around up there, there is also compassion, and not just compassion, but a desire to actually do something.  I love that.  I love that even though her thoughts are still primarily made up of “me, me, me” it’s now sometimes “me, me, you”.

I love that she is willing to share something precious to her.  Something that can’t be replaced right away and will physically change her appearance by sharing.  I realize hair is just hair, but still I think if we were all honest, we would say that our hair ranks up there pretty high.  I don’t know many woman who would just happily be bald for the day.

And after the final cut, when Nan asked her what she thought of her new look, Mattie’s response was, “Oh I still have lots of hair left.” She has a chin-length bob, not exactly what I would can lots, but I guess when you thought you were going to be getting every last bit of your hair cut off, then this would be a pretty nice surprise.

The new do

Our sweet Hair Fairy Nan

I’m proud of you Mattie Belle, for your heart and you head and everything else.