And Then There Was One

I was under the impression that as soon as the majority of my children were attending school, Lila and I would have a chance to get all sorts of little projects that have fallen by the wayside, taken care of.  Some such things that are on my list are:

* Finally pick out and print those pictures that need to go in the kids baby books

* Actually write in Lila’s baby book

* Actually finish Lila’s pregnancy journal – it’s only been 2 and a half years since she was born, I think I can still remember what I was craving that last week before she was born.

* Copy My friend Stephanie’s hanging plate decoration with the state plates she gave me…..that have been sitting strategically placed on my dining room table since about May.

* Bath the dog and get his nails clipped

* Look into buying some new exercisey pants should I get really adventurous and start down that path.  That is probably rather far fetched, but I could still use some comfy new lycra pants for those days that sweats just look too desperate and there’s no way I’m going to put on real clothes.

So none of these appear particularly hard, huh?  They really don’t even require much thought.  But they do require time and even with two of the three gone, I just haven’t had any of that yet.  Just going to the grocery store to keep us stocked up on lunch food items and snacks is a whole job in itself.  This has been a very busy last weeks or two and I will really savor the time when I can finally start leading my lady of leisure lifestyle that I have been anticipating.  I am totally kidding here.  As long as my house is old, my husband works very long days and my name is mom, I have a feeling I will have a lot written out on my To-Do lists.

One of those To-Do’s this past week was taking the kids to get their teeth cleaned.  I have said it before and I will probably say it again…..probably after every visit.  But I love my dentist.  I also love that I loved her before she was my dentist.  I love that when I called to make the kids appointment, the receptionist greeted me with a chipper, “Hey there, we’ve been laughing at your ice bucket challenge video all morning.”  This was before I think I even said who I was.  I love that at my dentist’s office, when you are potty training your child, they don’t ask questions when you barge through the clinic portion of the office without asking and run to the back hall way.  And they don’t care when you start riffling through their prize chest because you forgot the bag of Skittles (the potty reward) on the counter at home and you are hoping a tattoo or tiny purple koosh ball will suffice.

Things like this also happen when the dentist is one of your best friends:

Thanks to Auntie Christal, Mattie has been wearing gloves and a mask every night since this photo was taken, to brush Lila’s teeth.

That would be Reese as the patient (with his protective shades on), his pseudo cousin Landon (Auntie Dr. Christal’s son) lying next to him for moral support, and his sisters getting right in there, too.  When was the last time you had your teeth checked with your bestie lying there next to you?  I imagine some folks really like a super professional, icy cold, sterile office environment…….maybe…..but this suits us so much better!

So back to being a parent of just one at home.  I love all my kiddos like crazy, and if they didn’t love school so much this all might be completely different – but Lila and I are really enjoying our “alone” time.  Other than when she lived inside of my body for that short spell, its never been just the two of us.  She asks about her siblings, especially when she wakes up and they have already left.  But caring that they aren’t there…..I wouldn’t say that has been an issue.  Oh she’s thrilled when she sees them again, insisting that we park the car in the actual school parking lot, not just the carpool line, so that she can get out and run to them.  She likes to yell their names and announce whatever big has happened to her while they were gone.  Yesterday it was a very enthusiastic, complete with arm waving and lots of expressive facial movements “I pooped!!!!!!!” I Pooped!!!!” The entire student body of MJA now knows that Lila successfully poohed in the toilet yesterday afternoon and received 2, count them 2, Skittles for her accomplishment.

So she’s happy to have them back, if for no other reason, she has an audience once again.  But when they are gone – we are enjoying…I should say I, am enjoying some things I didn’t realize that I had been missing.  For example, drive-thru windows.  To Lila, a drive-thru can be a multitude of different things – the bank, the post office, Starbucks, and none of these stops usually entails her getting anything…at least not right away.  Except maybe the bank where she often gets a lollipop.  So as long as I keep a little stash of lollies in the front, I can stop all I want getting myself little treats and just hand her back the occasional sucker.  I can’t tell you how long it had been since I enjoyed a nice little coffee date with myself! I love the company of that handsome little 6 year old that used to be with me, but he was an expensive date after a while.  A $2.00 coffee for myself would morph into a $12.00 messy snack session after I got him a milk, then he’d want to split one of those pastries….reminding me of how one thing he will always remember is sharing muffins with his mama.  Who can say no to that?  And if he’s eating and drinking, it would be wrong to just ignore the smaller child with us even though she’s probably only going to lose her straw in the milk box and then pour it out all over herself.  So reason number 1 – I bought myself lunch yesterday and there were no questions asked because what happens in the front seat, once again stays in the front seat.

Reason number 2 – I have been free to move about the radio stations once again.  I know, I should probably adopt the mindset that if it’s not pure and lovely for my children’s little ears I shouldn’t be listening to it either.  And before you get too concerned, I’m not really a huge fan of explicit lyrics myself.  But there are some songs that have a bit more of an adult theme to their lyrics, yet a catchy tune that maybe I as an over 30 adult who can make my own choices, enjoys listening to this catchy tune because it puts a little spring into my step.  But previously, had I listened to said tune in the car with my juvenile ears listening – they would also enjoy the catchy tune and hum it in public places.  This would then create the impression to those around us that I encouraged listening to possibly more adult themed music with catchy beats for my young, impressionable children.  An example would be the song, “Blurred Lines” which was wildly popular last summer.  I am ashamed to say this, but its themes had a lot to do with there being “blurred lines”  in a sexual context.  That people say with their words one thing, but by their provocative clothes, actions, etc…they are really meaning something else.  It was an incredibly peppy song though, with the catchiest little hook and chorus….and it was on everywhere all the time!  And what was really bad is that even with us not listening to the radio station that played that song, Reese still picked it up.  He never figured out the right lyrics (he gets that from his Dad), and actually made up some of his own that were hilarious.  But when he would sing his little version of it, people recognized the tune and I could tell they were staring at me thinking I was this horrible monster mother that let her child listen to pro-date-rape music.  There was one time, I will never forget, when Mattie went to school and told her teacher that we had listened to a song on the way there that said the “S-word” over and over.  This song was actually a Taylor Swift Song that was referencing her recent break up with a young man and how he used to do some things that annoyed her like not letting her drive his “stupid” old pick-up truck.  The “S-word” was stupid, but for that day…I’m sure her teacher thought I was repulsive.  Glad we got that cleared up.

But since most of Lila’s language in incoherent to the untrained ear, I have been able to listen to a few different things, even talk radio and the news because hearing about the horrible things going on in places like Ferguson, MO and Syria aren’t nearly as frightening to the little ears that don’t know what racial profiling is and aren’t going to ask me if they are going to catch ebola if they don’t wash their hands.  I feel like I am slowly emerging back into the adult world, just a little.  I’m still not sure who are elected officials are and clearly have no handle on the latest trends in fashion, but I am coming back little by little.

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And one last little story.  I asked Reese the other day what his high of the day was.  We do the high-low questioning system in our car, high is your favorite thing and low, obviously is your not so greatest thing.  So when questioned about what his high was that particular day, I got this response from the way back…..”I was the voice of God today.” That one took me by complete surprise.  I was expecting something along the lines of, snack time being awesome or getting to play soccer.  Nope.  He was the voice of God.  What did that even mean?  Had God actually used him as a vessel to send a message to someone?  And who? And what?  And WHY!!!????? “What do you mean, Reesie?” I asked trying to sound interested but not overly concerned.  Turns out they had story-time theater in kindergarten that day and when acting out the story of Jonah and the Whale, Reese had been the voice of God telling Jonah to go to Ninevah.  OHHHHHH! Makes so much more sense now.

But as soon as that was cleared up, he broke the silence by stating that they would be getting a whale in their class the next week.  This was also said very nonchalantly.  And just where would they be getting a whale, I questioned.  “Aunt Shannie’s getting it”, was all he said back.  I could tell he was baiting me and I took that bait.  “Where is Aunt Shannie getting a whale?” I asked him.

“Whale-Mart”

Have a happy Wednesday friends!!!!!

Ice, Ice Baby

Before I get on to anything else – I would like to express my concern as a mother for the young man I pass by daily, as I drive to pick my children up from school.  This young man is one of those sign flipper guys and seems to be loving his job.  He is very enthusiastic and vivacious, really showing the love for his employing place of business.  But it has been over 100 degrees for the past week and feels like we are living on the surface of the sun.  The part that worries me is that this young man is a red-head, and I feel that if he is out there one more day, his skin is going to look like fire.  Please redhead sign flipper on Park, please find another job.

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So you may have heard of the ice bucket challenge making its way around Facebook and all other sorts of social.  The challenge that’s only purpose is to bring awareness (and hopefully some much-needed funds for research) to the horrible disease Amyptrophic Lateral Sclerosis.  Pour a pocket of icy water over your head, donate $10 to ALS and then nominate 3 more friends…or enemies, I suppose.  So late, late the other night I received a text from my dear friend Chelsea….It seems a little unfair that she would nominate me to do something that I only had 24 hours to complete…..and half of those hours would be while I was asleep.  And the other few hours, I would be alone with a 2-year-old who is very mighty, but not particularly strong.  I didn’t trust her camera skills either.  So my accepting of my frigid challenge would have to wait until the husband got home.

And when he did, I filled my own huge tub with all the ice we had.  The kids thought it was wonderful, well except for Lila….but that’s probably because she was standing right beside me when the ice ricocheted all across the deck.

Declaring our challenge

The initial dump

Taking a moment to freeze

Realizing I have terrified my child

But the best part, even better than the kids getting their laughs out of the whole thing happened the next morning.  One of my 3 nominations was to my favorite tv mom, the actress Connie Britton of Friday Night Lights fame and currently staring in Nashville.  I even wore my Dillon Panthers t-shirt (the panthers are the team that Connie’s tv husband coach Taylor led on Friday Night Lights).  So the next morning after Brandon had posted my video challenge – the very first post in his news feed was Ms. Britton doing her very own ice bucket challenge.  Now, at no point in her video did she mention my name, and Brandon wasn’t tagged or anything – but I can’t help but feel like it was a really crazy coincidence.  I really like to think that it was my video that inspired her.

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And lastly, and probably the most incredibly random, tell me that these don’t make you smile:

I was having a very frazzled, yucky start to my morning the other day and happened to look down at my feet while I was on hold.  My mood immediately improved.  My frazzley morning got straightened out, too but I think that the clog house shoes did most of the work.  Everyone should find themselves their own inspiring slippers, we might all be in better moods if we started our days with a good chuckle.

Oh, and Lila has finally gone pooh in the potty.  That is probably way more than even her grandparents needed to know, but it was a pretty big game changer for us.  And she is so proud of herself, I had to preserve it here for posterity.

If you want to see what pride in one’s own accomplishments looks like – here ya go

I just wish she was wearing clog slippers in it.

I’ve been away, but I brought pictures!

I realize that it has been quite a while since I posted anything here.  Especially the whole first day of school thing which is really a pretty big deal.  I actually got some phone calls and a few texts (from my family of course, no stranger or anything though wow that would have been kinda neat…and weird, but still I’ll take it) asking where the first day of school photos were, and by the looks of my stats page, Friday had tons of people coming to visit, expecting to see my kiddos standing by the front door with one of those darling little chalkboard signs that says, “First day of Kindergarten/ 4th Grade/ College, etc”.  I apologize to those that left this site feeling empty and let down…..but what can I say, consignment sale season has started up again and my Bestie from North Carolina was here helping me through this difficult time so blogging was not on my to-do list.

So since I am so far behind, I will make this a condensed “catch-up” post and promise to do better about documenting the day-to-day adventures from here on out.

Most recently, Nene and Papa came for a visit this weekend.  This weekend was supposed to have been Reese’s 6th birthday party.  TEchnically, his birthday was over a month and 10 days ago, but we are a little busy during the month of July, so other than the actual day that he was born – I don’t think his party has ever fallen on the correct weekend even.  We don’t even aim for the same month anymore.  Anyway, plans had been made ahead of time for Nene and Papa to come to be part of the festivities, but sadly there was no party after all.  Reese, dear sweet little Reese, chose to make a very, VERY poor decision.  One that embarrasses me greatly, greatly enough not to share here on my blog, but is also quite entertaining.  At least when my children do terrible, what would be considered illegal if they were adults things, it always has a humorous side to it.  I may be mortified and hang my head in shame, but I will also laugh about it….quietly and behind closed doors in my own home.

Funny little tidbit of information, we have 3 children and so far we are 0 for 2 at celebrating their 6th birthday.  Mattie also committed a crime punishable by loss of birthday party when she turned the year before 7.  We have our fingers crossed that Lila will break this cycle, but I’ll be honest – it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if she didn’t lose hers as well.

So that being explained, no party, but we still had our special grandparent visitors and it was wonderful.  We grilled out and piled the whole family on the couch to have movie night…and they brought us fresh farmstand pickles, peaches, bread and some other yummies.  I love that there is a peach stand between us and them.

We love it when you come and hate it when you leave.

Kisses for Lila

Nice face Reesie

So that is what we were up to this past weekend.

Now from last week………

Let’s start back on Monday……..

Because it has been since Easter that I have seen my Bestie Steph and my pseudo nieces ( I have no biological nieces or in-law type nieces so I have deemed these little girls to be my forever nieces…we will be drawing up some sort of decree when they are 6…because 6 seems to be a real turning point for young children.) these ladies decided on a whim to drive down from their North Carolina mountains and pay us a visit.  I can’t say enough how wonderful it is to have them here with me.  I don’t remember a time in my life when Steph wasn’t in it somehow or another and even though our brood together makes 5 kids – seeing that mini van pull into my driveway has a calming effect on me the same way wine probably is for some people.  We spent Monday afternoon lounging and letting the kids play and were able to sneak in a tiny hour of shopping after dinner.

Kiki is equally fascinated and terrified of Crosby. she runs away, shrieking when he enters a room and yet we found her like this several times.

Tuesday, we took the kids downtown to visit Mud Island.  By the time we actually got there, we were hot, tired and flat-out hangry…and that was just Steph and I.  But after making a potty break, eating some pb&j and cheeto puffs and finding a lost pair of shoes…..we had a blast.

Scouting out the Mighty Mississippi

Three of the cutest little booties lounging in Lake Pontchartrain…or at least Mud Islands model of it.

Just as a side note, the bottom of this little pool is painted to look like this, they are not bathing in filth.

pretending to roast hotdogs with a cattail

Wishing that Aunt Steph had a boy…just for a minute

More lessons with Mattie

Just basking in the happiness that is being with Stephanie Jean

Our babies and the Memphis skyline

The kids had been begging to go to the pool so I promised them that as soon as they ate and could put on their suits Wednesday morning, to the pool we would go.

They were not so much impressed, however, when we arrived and learned that the pool is now on a new schedule and the flume slides would not be open during the morning hours.  You should have seen how those children turned on me!  Do not mess with a kiddos food, their Lego creations or their pool plans or you will have to pay.  We did have a fun, night before the first day of school dinner where any doubts on whether or not our children liked queso were put to rest.

Kiki is not shy about getting her share

Chips and dip

My picnic table has a layer of cheese that will probably last all winter, but I am leaving it there to remind me of the happy little people who dripped it.  I would also like to mention something completely random here and I hate that I don’t have a proper photo to go with this, but I found a great “Little House on the Praire -style” dress a few weeks back on one of my thrifting adventures.  I know that my Rosie absolutely adores all things Little House, so of course I brought it home.  I washed and ironed it and then happily presented it to her when she arrived on Monday.  She smiled and took it willingly, but there wasn’t a huge production made or anything.  Rosie is understated like that.  But the little Miss wore that old-fashioned every minute that she was here, even asking her mama first thing in the morning if she could put it on.  In the pictures of the kids eating their chips and queso, Rose is sporting her dress and probably got cheese all over it.  But she could care less.  Steph has said that since they got home, Rosie has changed into her “Mary” dress in middle of the night when she was supposed to be in her pjs.  And this makes me happy.  Words don’t have to be said, the fact that I have seen that little dress either in person or in pictures every day since I gave it to her lets me know this auntie did a good job.

Now to Thursday….the big day.  The day I officially shoved my boy-child out of the nest.  I did good getting us all ready.  I even smiled for pictures, though you don’t have to look very hard to see that the eyes were not at all happy about the situation.  I rode to school fine and even carried in some of the boys things. I held it together really well, getting him all settled and finding his locker and all that.  But when he stood back and took a deep breath and did that cheek biting thing he does when I know he’s nervous and trying not to cry (like when I told him his birthday was cancelled), I had to look away.  And when he reached up and quickly wiped his eye, I knew it was time for me to leave.

First day of 4th Grade!!!!!

Two count them two tuitions to pay for now! Hurray!!!!

The smile is almost as big as the hair. Big First Day of Kindergarten. You only get one first first day.

Me, my fake smile and my boy

My kiddoes

So proud of this girl.

Dad was there too for this particular first day.

Very few people get the privilege of having their children’s framily as their principal and teacher.

Aunt Shannie and Reese both of them starting their first first day

Mattie and our beloved Ms. Williams

There are only two kindergarten teachers in the world that I would really feel comfortable leaving the boy with.  That being said, I am sure there are millions of kindergarten teachers in the world who are awesome and would do a fabulous job.  But at this particular moment, I have 2 that stick out in my heart.  One of them is in Chattanooga and the other, thank God!!!!!! is here in Memphis and has custody of Reese as we speak.

The rest of my day was spent living it up celebrating consignment season with my girls.  I never said I wouldn’t also enjoy this whole 2 out of 3 kids in school thing.  I know I have mentioned several times how I hate to see the boy growing up, but kindergarten attendance or not, he was going to grow.  That first drop off hurt like a ring of fire, but afterwards it was lovely to have childcare for the day.

And that afternoon, I redeemed myself with the best pool visit ever….or at least of the week.

The pool is way more fun when you bring friends

The Kiki

I love this little lady so much

Sharks, alligators, your guess is as good as mine

Has it been 10 minutes yet? The snack bar lady said 10 minutes!

Last day before you begin your educational career, Reese

How Steph and I like to experience the pool

I will say though that packing two lunches is kind of irritating.  Before, with just one lunch to be packed I could get away with buying one package of juice boxes and knowing it would easily last me a weeks and a half.  Even 2 weeks if there was a hot lunch day in there somewhere.  But now, with the two of them – I will have to purchase 2 packages of juice boxes just to make it through the week! Before, Reese got a rather free-range lunch prepared for him here at home, eating up my leftovers and since there was just him, I didn’t have to worry if I didn’t have enough of something.  But these two seek each other out and compare tit for tat what was in their lunch bags and I get an ear full if they aren’t equal.  They also really don’t like it when they wear the same thing on the same day.  Children please, you wear uniforms!  That’s kind of the point.

Well, this probably ought to be it for now.  The school has a new policy that instead of the day being over at 3 with a grace period until 3:30 to retrieve them, it is now 3:15 and then they get put into aftercare and you have to go in a bail them out.  So far, I have been late more times than not.  It is only 12:37 now, but at the rate I go, I should probably start napping Lila in the car.  Have a great Tuesday!

Wednesdays with Water

I woke up today and went immediately from my pajamas to my swimsuit.  My chickens and I were at the pool until it closed…well, not quite…we were there until Daddy arrived home with dinner…….but seeing as Brandon doesn’t usually arrive home until after most people eat dinner, it was pretty close to closing time.

Saying this makes it sound like we spent the entire day at the pool.  Sadly, The waking up that I am talking about was from an afternoon nap…at 3 and even sadder and maybe a little gross, was that I didn’t change out of my jammies until the afternoon.  Just one of those days I guess.  The summer and vacation have caught up with us and we are dragging.  We are running out of fun things to do, I’ve forgotten how to feed my children well-planned and balanced meals and we are officially tired of one another.  Today, I was completely unproductive and instead of feeling like a loving mama, or a fun aunt, it was more like being a prison warden.  I just made sure they didn’t leave and didn’t kill each other.

But the pool brought out our happier spirits.

And McDonald’s has $1.00 large cokes, which seemed to help, too.

Me, not the kids.  I feed them red dye, but not caffeine.

While we are on the subject of swimming, I am going to take a moment here on my own blog to brag about my children.  This time last year, Reese was still very much one with his floaties, his water wings.  They were like a diaper or a pacifier, we couldn’t leave home without them and he would never set foot near water without them hugging each of his biceps.  And even though he has been adventurous and even shed his wings a few times early on, the boy has been completely fixated on the water depth of every inch of the pool.  Four feet, without floaties was unheard of in May.  We didn’t even speak of it because it was just completely ridiculous. June, it might happen if that’s where all the other kids were and if there was an edge he could cling to.

I think I am painting a pretty clear picture and you are probably understanding that Reese will not be the next Michael Phelps for Team America.

Even his favorite, the coolest guy he knows next to Jimmie Johnson himself, Mr. Adam couldn’t convince him to go down the small water slide at our pool.

And then August came.

Time’s almost up.

While sitting in the baby pool with Lila I happened to notice my middle child’s twin exiting the pool that the water slide empties into.  The stranger looked up at me and grinned.  Gave me a big ol’ thumbs up. In his own time, without anyone watching, he had conquered the slide himself.

And today, again when I wasn’t really paying attention – the little guy plopped right into the 8ft and proceeded to swim laps back and forth.

Turns out he is part fish, like his sister, after all.

Being 6 means that standing in a giant star of David with fountains is about the coolest thing ever….for a Wednesday.

The carwash

Mattie is holding Lila and running…..first time moms wouldn’t let this happen probably…running with baby through water

Driving

Spraying his sister

She is not pregnant, just arching while she sings the Shalom song….its a Jewish thing she’s picked up

This girl on the other hand…….

This is a little more her speed

Hardly participating in the sprinkler fun

My poolside waittress

Mattie took my picture, thank you Mattie for proof that I was here and have shared an awesome summer with you my girl

The flower I picked for Nene’s birthday. Happy Birthday Nene we love you!!!!

I have big plans for tomorrow.  I will be putting real clothes on, even a bra…maybe…and leaving my house before noon.  I will buy food to make an actual meal using all of the food groups.  But I can’t say there won’t be a nap again and definitely the pool.  While we still have it available, there will always be the pool.

A Case of the Mondays

Last Monday was a normal day.  I think we worked on laundry, I say we because I have lately decided that my kids are plenty old enough to start fending for themselves and they now do all of my housework as a trade for getting to live here.  Not really, that’s not even remotely true, but I have started including them a bit more in the day-to-day chores that take place.  And because their mother can sometimes be a slow learner, I thought it best to start working on some skills now in hopes that they might have a good grasp of them by the time they have to leave our little nest.  So we had been working on laundry.

There may have even been some ironing thrown in there for good measure.

But the real excitement of the day didn’t come until late in the afternoon when Mattie almost fainted in the garage.  We were loading up to head out to Costco, when I heard her voice whisper, “Mama, you need to come over here fast.” She was on the other side of the car and in that short walk around the trunk, I was a little terrified of what was hanging out on the other side of my garage.  My car’s not very big and it’s not a long walk, but in the 3 seconds it may have taken for me to get to her, I think I had imagined about 15 different possibilities, ranging from venomous snake to homeless man corpse.  My body was fully prepared to grab my oldest child by whatever limb was the closest and run for all we were worth out of the garage and all the way to Brandon’s office (or the across the street neighbor’s house) leaving the corpse and the other two children to fend for themselves.

To say that I was relieved when this is what I found as I rounded the back fender, would be an understatement.

Waiting for my eyes to be poked out

He too seems drawn to Sherwin Williams #0822wrs

However, I did put in the numbers for 911 on my phone as I old my kids to shut the doors of the car – I’ve seen some of Mr. Hitchcock’s work, I know how these situations can play out.  There was a frightened bird perched on my paint cans in the garage and he needed to leave.  And I was taking every precaution to not bleed out when he inevitably flew directly into my eyes.  I may have even told Mattie to lie down on the floor of the car and wait for my screams, that would be her cue to call for my ambulance.  But whatever you do, don’t look out the window…..no kid should see their mama with her eyes pecked out.

I put on my sunglasses and moved at an angle, trying my best to encourage the black crow-like eagle raptor ( I may be exaggerating slightly regarding the size of the bird) to exit the building.

He didn’t move.

It was about this time that I had to wonder if this wasn’t a trick my husband had decided to play on us.  Maybe the bird wasn’t even real and he was watching us from his office, laughing hysterically.  But then the bird moved. He didn’t move out of the garage, but rather shifted from one foot to the other.  And then for some reason that I am still a little unclear on, I reached out and touched the bird.  Because I like to know for certain that I’m not just seeing things, I guess.  The little bird ( he now seemed significantly smaller now that I was pretty certain he wasn’t going to gauge me) made a sort of panicky bird squeak and it became clear that my job was now more of a rescue mission.  Mattie was allowed to get out of the car and run inside for a towel, which I used to wrap around my new bird friend in order to pick him up.  I don’t have a whole lot of wild bird handling skills, but this seemed to be a positive thing to do in the bird removal process.

I then walked out of the garage, holding my now squawking bird garage squatter, as my neighbor asked “Is that a bird?” I suppose they do see me do some bizarre things in my yard, ie. scaling my own fence numerous times, but this was pretty high up there on Baughman lady weird behaviour.  I told him yes, and then sort of tossed my dark-winged friend up towards the trees…..assuming he would just take flight.

He did not.

Instead, he began a frantic hop across the yard and out into the street, at which point Mattie, my resident animal lover/ advocate and in-house PETA member completely lost it.  There she stood at the edge of the driveway weeping, “Mama save him!!!!!!Save him!!!!He’s gonna die!!!!”

So I went after him, towel still in my hand, not really sure what I was going to do next.  He hopped into the neighbors monkey grass and neighbor man went inside to shut his own garage door. I had now decided that it was time to call my husband, because that’s what I do when I get myself into these weird situations.  So next time you are at the doctor’s office and you have to wait an extra few minutes or so in the exam room or waiting area, it might be because your doctors wife is having some bird issues with her children that she really isn’t sure how to handle because they don’t go over any of this in the parenting books.

We decided to just say a little prayer for the bird.

I had barely got the words, “Dear Jesus” out when the shrieking and wailing of Mattie began again.  She had clearly not had her eyes closed during prayer and now saw that the bird was hop/ flying its way into the corner neighbors yard.  These neighbors have some adorable dogs, that would also probably really enjoy a bird dinner.  Bird hopped right into their open garage door and without even asking, Mattie flew over to their house to start searching for it.  thankfully, I caught her before she started trespassing and suggested that she go to the front door first.  I don’t know, but I just sort of assume that people would prefer to do their own bird searching in their own garage as opposed to have the strange neighbor child do it.

Turns out, neighbors were on vacation and the house sitter assured us that the dogs were in the house, never went in the garage and if the bird was indeed in there, he would be safe for the night.  Mattie was finally convinced that we had done all that we could possibly due and the bird was now out of our control.  So we stood there in the neighbors driveway and prayed for this little bird’s well-being and for the mother/ sibling/ bestie/ spouse that was desperately cawing from the trees overhead.

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The next morning, at the break of dawn, Mattie wanted to go over to the neighbor’s house and check on her fowl friend.  I sent her back to bed.  But at about 9:30, she saw the man of the house (they had just arrived back home from a holiday at the beach) unloading his car and within seconds, she was dressed and out the door to see how her friend had weathered the night.  Sure enough, he was still there and the neighbors were also very aware of his presence and were thrilled at the prospect of me capturing it – seeing as I am an expert now after that one time.  It didn’t take long for me to capture our old friend and this time we felt very prepared as we loaded him into a box and headed for our local nature center.

Driving along with my 9-year-old lovingly cradling a large priority mail shipping box, we all beamed feeling as though we were really doing something exciting, slightly life-changing and this was going to make an awesome story that we would share for years and years.  The day we single-handedly changed the lives of birds everywhere, because we took the one fledgling to the nature center.  Our happiness was short-lived though when they swiftly sent us back home.  Turns out they do not accept garage squatting birds and if we wanted to be of any help, we would take that bird back home, build it a nest in the trees and wait for its mother to come back and help it out.

I think we probably scarred him for life

Terrified little birdie

And since I had absolutely nothing else on my to-do list for the day (spoken very sarcastically) that’s just what we did.  We went home and found the lowest, high branch to settle our box in and once again, said a bird blessing upon the little guy.  Mattie also named him, Monday, and in our hopes that with us gone his mama would come back and coax him into flying back to their family condo in our trees – we finally headed out on that Costco run.

My fellow bird wranglers

Our attempt at a nest

I can understand why Monday’s mother didn’t exactly swoop down into our realistic habitat

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We came home to find Monday had jumped up about 3 feet above his “nest” and was just hanging out on a branch – cawing to no one in particular.  This wasn’t quite what we were hoping for and it once again left me scratching my head trying to figure out what we should do.  We called Auntie Shannie, she has a degree in Outdoor Education and worked on a farm.  We also left a message for Auntie April because she was a biology major in college and used to feed the otters at the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga.  With Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter no longer available, these girls seemed the next best thing.  April didn’t call us back and Shannie has limited bird expertise – but we did come to the conclusion that the little guy, Monday, could probably use a drink.

This is the time when my doctor husband probably wondered if his own wife maybe needed to take a little trip to the funny farm.  With my not-so-trusty assistants holding the tallest ladder we have, I climbed up way past the safety zone and leaned way too far out into the branches that would not be able to support my weight should I fall, to try to sprinkle some flax seeds and leave a small bowl of water should Monday decide he needed a snack.

Monday spent the night perched eerily up in our tree, occasionally calling out to his family and them doing the same.  As far as I know, he never partook of rations I so valiantly left for him up in the tree.  And in the morning, he hung out for a little while and then leaped to the ground.  In my robe, I rushed out after him and tried to coax him back home….to do what, I have no idea, hang out in our tree a little longer….I don’t know.  But he made a mad dash into yet another neighbor’s yard and though I am willing to do many things for both my children and for wildlife, I draw the line at snooping through a strangers bushes before 8 a.m.  Had it been 9, I may have considered it.  But not a minute before then.

We do not know what happened to Monday after Wednesday morning.  But he continues to be in our morning and evening prayers and we are chosing to believe that he eventually discovered his wings and is living a full and happy life up in the trees of Kirby Woods.