My Pet

Kaylee had a little lamb,
Little lamb, little lamb,
Kaylee had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow

Nana, come soon and help us make our flower beds pretty. This is embarrassing.

And everywhere that Kaylee went,
Kaylee went, Kaylee went,
Everywhere that Kaylee went
The lamb was sure to go

You can’t hear, but this is what a lamb looks like when it baa’s

It followed her to school one day
School one day, school one day
It followed her to school one day
Which was against the rules.

Little Lila Lamb

It made the children laugh and play,
Laugh and play, laugh and play,
It made the children laugh and play
To see a lamb at school

She would not stay there, she kept following me around the yard

And so the teacher turned it out,
Turned it out, turned it out,
And so the teacher turned it out,
But still it lingered near

Feeling Bashful

And waited patiently about,
Patiently about, patiently about,
And waited patiently about
Till Kaylee did appear

“Why does the lamb love Kaylee so?”
Love Kaylee so? Love Kaylee so?
“Why does the lamb love Kaylee so?”
The eager children cry

“Why, Kaylee loves the lamb, you know.”
Loves the lamb, you know, loves the lamb, you know
“Why, Kaylee loves the lamb, you know.”
The teacher did reply

Don’t Make That Face, It Might Stay Like That

Last Wednesday, Lila and I went on a field trip.  After we got everyone Westerned up, she and I headed out with an address in hand to do something I have been waiting to do since about 5 weeks after we moved here.  About 4 weeks after we moved here, I got my Tennessee drivers license.  I know everyone shares horror stories about the DMV, but this was really a traumatizing experience and my driver’s license photo captures that terrible day perfectly.  I have spent the last 6 years carrying around a picture of me that is so bad, almost every time I have to show it, people do a double take and remark how it doesn’t look a thing like me.  As soon as I saw the photo the very first time, I began investigating how soon I could get it redone.  However, at the time, going back to that abyss and possibly enduring the same trials I had the first time made my feat of vanity seem not quite worth the gamble.  About 3 years ago, when Mattie was in school and I was just down to one kid at home with me, I thought I might give it another shot.  But then the morning sickness struck and I looked like death.  I decided that maybe this wasn’t the best time to try for a new photo.

Once Lila arrived and settled in, we bought a new house, took a long road trip and I started this blog – which means absolutely no time for a trip to  get a new license.  I blame it all on the blog at this point.  In actuality, I just decided that I only had about a year and a half left with the hideous photo and I had gone this long dealing with it so let’s just weather the storm.  My license expires on my birthday of this year, and because I didn’t know how long it might take to actually get to me, I decided its better to be safe than sorry so I went in with only 10 days to spare.  I realize that is closer to the side of sorry than safe but whatever.  So I fixed my hair, put lipstick on and Lila and I headed off to an address that ended up taking us right to the Jail.  And I’m not talking like the city jail attached to the back of the police department where they hold drunk people while they sober up (I’m not sure Memphis even has such a Mayberry-esque type facility).  We ran smack into the Penal Farm – where as far as the eye can see if razor wire and other indicators that we were not where we needed to be.  I (and the officers in the building with the guns attached to their bodies) decided it was time to turn around.  The only place to do that happened to be the mayor’s parking space which made me feel very, very uncomfortable.  At this point, the gunned men were standing outside of their little watch tower staring very fiercely at my black family vehicle and I am pretty sure they had us pegged as some sort of distraction guise that was part of a huge scheme to break folks out of jail.

This may have been worse than the first drivers license experience.

We finally got out of there and I pulled into a church parking lot (way less nerve-wracking then the mayor’s space) and looked on-line for the next closest kiosk.  Turns out it was at a police station.  This also felt completely wrong, but maybe not quite as dangerous as the prison we had just visited.  To The Police Station!

I should have known something was up when several dark clouds rolled in just as I parked the car.  Always pay attention to the clouds, they are probably telling you something.  As I was getting Lila out of the car, I notice a woman go running into the station.  And as Lila and I were walking towards it ourselves, we noticed a very sketchy looking man walking from the station back to the car she had just run from.  And as we stepped into the station, the woman was crying hysterically and we now say the same sketchy man crossing the street with what appeared to be a lifeless dog dangling loosely while he carried it by the nape of its neck.  I quickly turned Lila into my armpit and probably looked up at the officers standing there with wide-eyed terror.  What kind of Criminal Minds episode had we just walked into?  The lady officer quickly let me know that it was just a domestic dispute and everything was alright.  Things with lifeless dog sure didn’t appear to be alright, but I wasn’t going to argue.  I told her that this was probably the wrong place, but I was there to get a new drivers license.  She pointed to the little video game looking object over in the corner.  I guess we were in the right place after all.

It had a touch screen, much like the post office kiosk and thankfully, it only asked questions that I knew the answers to.  Lila seemed well on our way and other than they awkwardness of having crying lady and two officers watching my every move, especially my smiling for the camera – this seemed really easy and painless.  That is until a strange noise emitted from the machine and it shot out a little receipt saying that my request for a new license had been denied.  Lady officer, who had been studying the whole process quickly asked me what reason the machine gave for my denial.  Seems as though there was a problem with my picture.

Of course there was.

She then went on to explain how new technology uses facial recognition software making it virtually impossible for someone else to steal your identity.  And it appears that my facial structure has changed significantly since my last photo.  She then went on to ask me if I have gained or lost a significant amount of weight, had reconstructive surgery or possibly suffered a catastrophic injury that would have altered my appearance.  Crying lady had now completely lost interest in whatever had brought her to the police station originally and was completely absorbed in my drama.  I was told to try to picture again, this time moving my hair back.  I’m sure that was it, the latest in technological advances gets hung up on hair styles.

I was once again denied.

I was also starting to panic a little and began to wonder if maybe my face as it appeared to the outside world had been altered and I just couldn’t see it, or maybe the government had somehow hijacked my photo.  Or even worse, what if I was going to be stuck with that old picture again for another 5 years?!  Lady Officer had another idea, “were you maybe not smiling in your last picture?” I certainly was not smiling in my last photo!  I went on to tell my now very captive audience about the events of my last experience and even after hearing my pathetic story…..lady officer just said, in a very monotone voice…..maybe you could recreate that last picture as much as possible.  You are kidding me!  So our state-of-the-art technology doesn’t recognize my face because I look angry.  I was that upset in my last photo that it completely morphed my facial structure?  Is it possible that I could have done a crime and because my current face doesn’t look like my driver’s license face, I could have got away with it?  I asked her that and she didn’t really think that was nearly as amusing as I did.  I suppose at this point I was just trying to make lemonade out of my lemons.

So for the 4th time, with my audience still watching me and Lila standing right next to me, thinking she too was posing, I tried me best to recreate the scowl that had shadowed my face so many years ago.  I have to say, this license around, I look far less calm sociopath with wretched hair and more someone jumped from around a corner and startled me then just told me they ate the last piece of pie.  Kind of scared to death and a little sad, rather than serial killer.

I figure if I slightly adjust my face ever time I renew my license, by the time I am 95 and no longer able to drive, I will have a beautiful smiling picture.  So for those of you getting your license for the first time either because you were just granted one or because you have relocated, be very careful!  This will follow you for decades to come….but it also might be your ticket out of jail.

Happy Wednesday and stay out of the Penal Farm.

 

Western Day

So I promised you all some big new, prepare yourselves because this is probably going to rock you world……..you might even want to sit down, or stand up should you already be sitting.  Over this past weekend, I officially moved out of my diaper bag and back into a regular purse.  After typing that out in black and white, I realize the announcement might not be anything for anyone other than myself.  But for myself….it has been huge.  The ol’ diaper bag has even been placed on eBay so there’s no going back.  You hear that Lila, no going back to toting around half a dozen diapers, wipes, a change of clothes and a smorgasbord of snacks.  That announcement goes out to the rest of you in my family as well, I will no longer be your pack mule.  You can each get your own purse or start carrying a backpack, or just come to grips with the idea that you don’t need to bring a fleet of toy cars with you everywhere.  From now on, pack accordingly.

So yesterday was Western Day at school.  I got the note a week ago and really didn’t think much about it.  We have all sort of dress- up clothes around here and I usually dress my kids quirky enough that I really thought we had this one handled.  Turns out, we have farmer clothes, pioneer/ pilgrim/ early settler clothes….but we are running a little short in the “Western Wear” department.  I am truly ashamed, especially being from Oklahoma where cowboys are supposed to be the norm.  My children should have been born with boots on…..alas, I have failed.

Mattie’s outfit turned out pretty great, though pretty brown….

Her legs look teeny tiny with her blousey shirt.

Reese on the other hand………

His shirt says “This ain’t my first rodeo”.  Somehow, I don’t think skinny jeans and sneakers were what the student association had in mind when they picked out this spirit day.  I tried though guys, I really did.  I had the kids pose right before we left for school and just as I was about to turn around and get into the car myself, I heard a voice letting me know that they, too, wanted their picture taken by the tree……

I suppose flannel is pretty “Western” when you think about it.

When #3 did finally get dressed for the day, turns out she does have some western-themed clothing.  And the little buckeroo wanted to wear them, and stand by the tree, and wear her hair in a braid like her big sister.

This french braiding further evidence of what a poor Amish person I would be.  I am also terrible at milking cows and baking bread.

It’s Time for a Trip on The Time Machine

I have fascinating things to share with you readers…..but I am tired tonight.  This is the 2nd night in a row that my whole family will be in bed before 10:00 (if I finish this in 2 minutes).  Brandon and I typically head to bed around midnight, or sadly, closer to one.  It’s become a really terrible habit and last night I think we both had just had it.  Our bodies and brains finally just gave out and we were sound asleep by 9:30.  The neighbors probably thought we were gone for the night because I’m sure our house is usually a beckon until the wee hours.  So I am heading to bed, but before I do, I wanted to share with you a 7 Years Ago Today (actually it was yesterday, but close enough) picture.

This little face looks so much like my Lila now and I had to go upstairs and look at the face that it has grown into 7 years later!  I can’t believe that it’s been 7 years since her hair was that short and fluffy (you can’t see that part in the pictures) and her two faithful companions were her stuffed penguin and a sippy cup.  Crazy how time flies!

And in case I never told you, thank you Nana for the outfit Mattie Belle is wearing in this picture. Happy Wednesday even readers and tune in tomorrow because it’s Western Day at school.

Thank You

When I am called to duty, God
Wherever flames may rage
Give me strength to save a life
Whatever be its age.
Let me embrace a little child
Before it is too late
Or save an older person from
The horror of that fate.
Enable me to be alert
And hear the weakest shout,
and quickly and efficiently
To put the fire out.
I want to fill my calling
To give the best in me,
To guard my friend and neighbor
And protect their property.
And, if, according to your will,
While on duty I must answer death’s call;
Bless with your protecting hand
My family, one and all.

 

Thank you for those that gave their all, Fireman, Police Officers, Paramedics, Every Day Heroes thirteen years ago.  And thank you to those who, thirteen years later – still answer that call.

 

God Bless America,
Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home.

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be A Giraffe

Around here, we like costumes.  My kids don’t necessarily like to play dress up and pretend that they are something or someone else, they just really enjoy wearing the outfit.  I suppose they come by it naturally. As a little girl, when visiting my Grandma Reese, I immediately went to her scarf drawer and would create fashion masterpieces with the flowey pieces of fabric.  I also loved to wear this hideous, brown wig of hers.  And now as an adult, we host an annual holiday party that always involves some really tacky costumes, Easter bonnets are required at our brunch and it’s possible that everyone dressed up in a particular theme at Lila’s last birthday.  Costumes aren’t just meant for Halloween or a role in a play, they are often our going out-in apparel as well.

This was a random Saturday….there is no reason why she has her face painted like a tiger

Easter bonnets for Easter brunch

Who doesn’t wear a tutu for doing their grocery shopping

Just a random day, no reason in particular for being dressed as the King of the Lions

I’ll admit, we may have been playing prohibition with chocolate and she just wanted to get into the part

So today while visiting a little consignment sale nearby, I came upon two matching Pottery Barn kids stuffed bear costumes in a size 12-24 months and 4-6.  They were only $10 each and I knew that they would be worth every penny.  The ladies at the sale cheered me on for finding adorable little matching outfits for trick or treating.

Sometimes a fleece shell is more comfy and warm then a light jacket

The Tacky WindSuit Party

Trying our hand as firefighters

Making oatmeal in a princess dress, over your suits

Sometimes the warmest thing to wear is a monkey suit

Jess and Ronnie at our Tacky 80’s Prom Christmas Party

I really don’t know what to tell you, this is just the sort of thing I’m talking about

They had no idea.

Tacky Sweater Christmas Party and I love that Mattie is dressed as Tinkerbell

Tacky Denim Christmas Party

Baughman Bee Keepers

My daughter the panda

Even the dog likes to get in on it

This one is slightly embarrassing, but surely I’m not the first person to actually wear the Christmas Tree skirt

These bear suits would be laundered 100 times before we even hit October.  I wasn’t even thinking about Halloween – I was just thinking that this was a wonderful find because Reese had grown out of the turtle suit that he loves so much

This photo was actually taken in March…..because that’s turtle biking season

And the Alligator was starting to get a little short.

This was actually in the fall, but still not on Halloween

And Lila really only had a lion suit, so we were desperately in need of some more quality, animal wear.

I bought those two bear suits and immediately upon arrival home from school, while Mattie was at piano – they were tested out.

Sometimes, they seem more like animals than children

When you just glance at this, it looks like I’m having a teddy bear picnic in my kitchen

A bossy little bear

One little Bear loved her “hot” (hat) so much, that she refused to change when it was time to go and pick up sis.  It’s funny, I don’t even notice anymore.  When a woman mentioned how cute she looked, I thought she was referring to Lila’s new shoes……

The bear even went with us to Taco Bell

At least the others are the least bit embarrassed to be seen with her

Wearing such a cozy, fluffy costume (head) is great for bedtime too, because then you are the stuffed animal.

Around here, we let sleeping bears lie

* Funny Side note, I went looking for the one picture of Mattie wearing her tutu and I found ALL Of THESE PICTURES.  I knew that we did a lot of dressing up, hence my reason for blogging about such a thing, but I had no idea I had so much documentation of it!

 

Please Don’t Leave!

I never know if the internet will be working later in the day.  I do know that I seem to have lost some of your interest over the last few weeks with the whole no blogging thing.  So in an effort to keep those of you that are still here with me – I will try to take advantage of the moments of WiFi that I have.  I will have more to share with you later in the day, but for now, here is a little wish from me to you that your Monday has started off an amazing week.

Ours began like this:

Go Niners!

Here’s wishing your teams won their games, your drivers are in the Chase (if you don’t know what that means – you probably don’t have a driver) and everyone’s garage doors opened and closed properly this morning.  That has been a serious issue around here and I was more than thrilled when there weren’t any problems as I was trying to leave the house this morning.

Happy Monday Friends!

Comcast is Terrible, I’ve had No Internet For a Week So Brandon Made a Hot Spot So I Wouldn’t Lose You Readers

I was going to post yesterday about how proud of Lila I am.  I was going to brag on how she has just done great with her potty training now.  I was going to share that I have several size 3 Pampers that need a new home and if you are local – I would love to send them your way.  I even spent a good 20  minutes looking up teeny, tiny panties online because it feels like we might even be ready to move on up from the huge, bulky training pants that often hang out over the top of her shorts.  As you can see, I was dealing with a pretty large serving of bladder hubris regarding my 2-year-old.  And like so many 2-year-olds do, she quickly reminded me yesterday that she is not to be trusted.  Never put any sort of faith into your 2-year-old.  Do not make plans which might require them to keep up their end of the deal….because they won’t.  Lila Bird took my faith, my hopes, and my dreams of a urine-free lifestyle and crashed them….repeatedly….in the span of about 5 hours.  There was one point where I felt like she was actually doing it on purpose and had maybe figured out a way to make herself go even more frequently than usual because it was just ridiculous.  I feel like if you are going to pee in your own car seat repeatedly, you need to be able to take it apart and wash it yourself because that is one ridiculously difficult job.  I have been taking car seats apart for the better part of my adult life now and it never gets easier.  I could do it in my sleep, but still….I really do not enjoy trying to shove the straps into slits that only teeny tiny hands can fit into and find.  And there is always that exasperated moment where you are about to panic, thinking you will never be able to leave your house again because you can’t put the blasted car seat straps back in the little hook thing and it’s against the law to not have your kid in a car seat!!!!!!!!!!! That is always a very dark moment in my life and probably why I am not allowed to assemble the car seats in the presence of our children.  I have never actually seen myself, but it wouldn’t surprise me if I didn’t start to look a bit like the Incredible Hulk.

My feelings towards car seat assembly

 

Just for fun, in the middle of the night, Lila woke up crying……because she had wet herself.  So my size 3 Pampers will be sticking around a little bit longer.  And for the record, I put one on her last night and of course when she woke up this morning, it was dry….like it’s supposed to be.  Whatever Lila, pee pee on yourself all you want.  I have tons of laundry detergent and nothing but time, and I would love nothing more than to eat all of your reward Skittles.  But it would be really great if you could go back to using the toilet.

This girl and I are not on good terms right now

I think I mentioned this in a post almost exactly a year ago.  I don’t know what happens in August/ September that just pushes me over the edge, but it has happened again.  This time last year I spoke about having fallen off the wagon and succumbing to my previously controlled Coke habit  – that would be the beverage, not the actual narcotic.  Well, it seems that I have done it again.  I find myself pulling into the McDonald’s drive thru and ordering a beverage larger than my SUV’s gas tank, and drinking the whole thing.  I even went so far as to buy a 2-liter for at home use, but I discovered one morning that one of my children had tampered with my stash in the night, which not only reflects poorly on my parenting, but also ended with them leaving the lid off of it and the whole bottle was completely flat.

This guy is 1 liter and has 3 full servings in it. I finished all three.

 

So, because I have come to grips with the fact that this is not just a habit that will go away  – I need to find a better way – like how meth addicts get the methadone shot.  And I could not have been more excited than when I noticed these little guys at the grocery store the other night when I was buying healthy things for my family like kale and probiotic yogurt.

They are little bitty and I can have my fix without feeling like my stomach is about to explode 30 minutes later.  I feel like I have e better hold on things that were tumbling down an otherwise slippery slope.

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In other news that I have neglected to share, we went to visit Mums and Pops this past weekend.  It was important that we went because it had been a good 2-3 months since Mattie and Reese enjoyed a good snake handling show.  I think I shared back in May how Uncle Marvin dazzled us all with his amazing pet rattle snake.  We went over to visit Grandma and Grandpa on Sabbath afternoon and Mattie made sure to call her uncle and request that he come and see her……and please bring his pet, too.  I have to say, it was crazy enough back in May when Marv was at his own house and came out with that snake.  But to know that he took the time to load it up in a paint bucket and drove across town with a live, venomous snake on board…..that just kind of baffles me.  I feel like he should probably have a permit or something for that.

I hear he does children’s birthday parties…..

 

And I also have to say, the snake on display out in the country in a large open area seemed a whole lot more appropriate than in my grandparents front yard.  Thankfully, my children had been placed in the bed of Uncle Marvin’s truck where I was 95% certain the snake could not get them.  However, when it made a bee line towards me and we were actually sharing a sidewalk for a spell, that left me feeling a little less than comfortable.  And when it was about time for Uncle Marvin to leave and he handed Poppy his snake handling staff and simple said, “Watch him for a bit would ya.” I think that made everyone panic.

Jut seconds before, I was standing where that snake is. It was entirely too close for any sort of comfort

Safely tucked up in the bed of Uncle Marv’s truck

 

But it made Mattie’s day and I have to say, not many girls out there have a great great Uncle who would be willing to own a live rattle snake, much less have one on hand to bring over on a whim whenever the girl beckons.  Mattie Belle, may that be a quality that you alway hold in high regards and that you judge all future potential suitors against.

This guy is probably the closest thing to perfect in this girl’s eyes….which is very scary for those of us who know this man.

 

And while Mattie was living out her reptile fantasies, Reese enjoyed himself on Grandma’s remote control chair.

Out of all the toys in the world, Reese is fascinated with Grandma and Grandpa’s remote control chair

It doesn’t take much to keep my crew entertained.

Lila and Pa

Lila and Grandma

We also did some outside playing while visiting Arkansas.

We played with cars and got to watch a race, which is always fun.

And the race is on…..the race is always on somewhere.

We took a family photo

Daddy came with us, let’s take a family photo!

And Reese took his new-found love for tennis out onto a grass court.

He was also happily surprise to find that the pumpkin he and Poppy had planted on a whim in the spring, had made something of itself.

Nothing like enjoying the fruits/ gourds of your labor.

It,of course, came home with us

I also realized that we had crashed Mumsey and Poppy’s anniversary.  I don’t think we really ruined any big plans though and besides, between you and me – they get to have alone time all the time so I really didn’t feel that bad.  I probably should have brought a card though…..

They look absolutely shocked don’t they? Mom is a cool cat, but Poppy looks like he just realized he had married as lady who had me as a daughter. Poor Poppy!

Happy 28 years!