Back From An Adventure

We are just about 2 weeks into this summer thing.  It’s crazy to think that if this was Christmas time, they would be going back to school this next Monday.  They would feel like they had been gone forever and probably be a little bit excited to be going back.  It is not Christmas break though and they aren’t going anywhere.

At two weeks in, Reese has already ruined two pairs of shorts from excessive dirt vs boy contact. At the rate he is going, he will just be walking around naked by August.  We have already made out first “trip” of the season, to Arkansas.  I don’t know if that really counts as a trip though, because my car just seems to go there by itself anymore.  The way Monarch butterflies are drawn to Mexico, my Acadia must migrate to NorthWest Arkansas every 6 weeks or so.  Our trip was very low-key this year, with only one day that actual clothes (as opposed to “comfy clothes or in Reese’s case the same clothes) were put on by every member of my family.  I think everyone had on clean underwear every day, showered though, they definitely were not.

All dressed up as “peasants fleeing communism” because isn’t that what everyone plays when visiting their grandparents. That’s an actual child in the doll stroller, too.

Posing with Mums

Mattie got to see her dear friend Natalie.  We love Natalie and I would highly recommend such a relationship for every little girl.  She is like our full-grown, real-life American girl only instead of being Mattie’s age, she is older.  If I want Mattie to listen to something, to pay attention or to convince her of something ( for example, Math is very important in life and eventually, all girls will need to wear a bra and it’s perfectly normal) – I call on Natalie.  I hate to tell Mattie that she will probably never grow as tall as Natalie, and though they both have white mama’s, I don’t think they have any of the other same components making up their brown skin. But she has found herself in Natalie, the way other little girls may see similarities to themselves and a Disney princess or other character, Mattie has found it in my old volleyball coach’s niece – And we couldn’t be happier.  I do not know all the intimate details of Natalie’s life, and that’s okay, because if they are bad she hides them well – but I will be thrilled if Mattie makes it into adulthood as delightful, smart, and happy as her Natalie.  Thank you Natalie for never getting too busy for your mini-me.  For still writing her letters even though you are busy in college and remembering her birthday even when we neglect yours.  Thank you for answering weird questions that only a 10-year-old girl could come up with and making “growing up” not seem quite so daunting.  Now, if you could just have a real heart-to-heart about how wonderful brothers can be……that would be fantastic!

While in Arkansas, we not only loaded up on Mumsey/Poppy love, homemade cookies and Ann of Green Gables, but Reese also brought home a new weather phobia.  He has been intrigued with tornadoes for a while, which seems only natural considering the last few weeks of his time in utero were spent with almost daily visits to our hall closet to wait out a storm.  But Saturday night, when Poppy returned from graduation and very calmly asked if the kids were awake because we might need to head to the school’s basement, that curiosity turned into full-fledged terror.  He is fully convinced that our storm is coming and we need to be prepared.  He can feel it, so he says, just hanging out above the stratosphere, waiting.  We have gone over our emergency plan at least 5 million times, yesterday even taking a practice run to Dad’s hospital so that he could see just how fast we could get there from our house should a storm come up.  Dad’s hospital has a basement and only underground will do for our little astraphobic.  Actually, as a quick fact, astraphobia is the fear of storms – primarily thunder and lightning.  Fear of actual tornadoes is called Lilapsophobia.  I feel like that says something about my youngest child.

When not fearing the weather, this guy had a big time playing out in the garage with Poppy. This is him sorting out what appears to be drill bits that Poppy accidently spilled. Heaven

Yesterday, it was raining out and I let the kids build what I thought was a typical living room blanket fort.  Actually, it was a basement.  Reese build a living room blanket basement……to keep us safe.  “Does it have a basement?” has become his new question when learning about anything new.  Uncle Chris and Aunt Shannie’s offer was accepted on their new house – “Does it have a basement?” We are heading to California in a few weeks and maybe, just maybe we will get to take a tour of the new Levi’s Stadium – “Does it have a basement?” They pool is open for the summer and this year you get your very own I.D card……”Does the JCC have a basement?” We do not have a basement at our house and neither do most of the people around us,  but I have tried to make a good argument that our house and most of those in our neighborhood (as well as all the giant trees that make this place Kirby Woods) have been here for decades.  That either means no tornadoes have come or that these houses are strong and not going anywhere.  He still has an “escape kit” packed and ready to go…….I don’t think he’s buying my reasoning at all.

We have officially made our maiden voyage to the pool this summer.  Everything was just as we left it back in August…….except the water.  One of the wonderful qualities of the outdoor water park at the JCC is that it is open for a good two weeks or so even after school has started.  The hours are different, but you can still go.  We prefer to go right before bed usually, but that’s neither here nor there….except it kind of is because two weeks into August, the water is super warm. Probably warmer than your typical hot shower, and that’s the way we like it.  Today it felt like instead of running the tap water, our friends had just brought in a glacier and let it melt.  We will be investing in wet suits before we go back.

One last little thing, Kettle brand potato chips have a flavor that to me is new, but I could be totally behind and it’s completely old news – either way, the flavor is red curry.  I am a big fan of both potato chips and curry, so this pleased me greatly.  The best part is, they aren’t too spicy.  I suppose if you really want spicy, this would be a downfall, but to me, someone who prefers her chips not to be hot, this is a plus.  I would suggest you go out and get some this weekend.

I think that’s a great stopping point.

Caps and Gowns

When Reese was just a little guy, before he fell in love with NASCAR and long before he discovered the treasure of ESPN, he was a fan of simpler things.  Things like the radio.  He would sit in his high chair happily playing with kitchen utensils and a set of silicone cupcake liners (which have never been used to make cupcakes with by the way, because they are usually being played with by some little person) while I would work on one project or another.  As long as I had his favorite songs on, he could stay there for hours.

Some of his favorites included:

The Bone Song

Go Away Big, Green Monster

I am a Promise

And Firework, by Katy Perry

In my attempts to make good parenting choices, and since Ms Perry had a reputation for wearing bras that resembled cupcakes – I thought it might be a good idea to educate myself of the exact lyrics of this song that my little boy was now so fond of.  And so I did

And they are beautiful

I remember daydreaming about how precious it would be to have a little kindergarten class, those darling 5-6 year old voices that sing out without any cares, not the least bit afraid of their voices actually being heard – to sing this song for their graduation.  However, Ms. Katy and her cupcakes aren’t really condoned by our private school standards.

So instead, I am setting the stage myself here.  If you want to cue up “Firework” on iTunes or something while you watch this little slide show, I’ll wait for you to get that set up.  Otherwise, I’ve just included the lyrics,

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Who doesn’t feel special when there’s a sign in the front yard just for them?

Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?
Screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you?

You can’t tell, but this is his really happy face

I pleased him greatly by having these balloons when he got hom

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

Celebrating Brother’s big day

‘Cause, baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

So glad he’s mine

He’s getting bigger, but still lets this happen

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

The boy and his dad

Dr and Reese Baughman, KdrGtn. – I may have just made up those initials

You don’t have to feel like a wasted space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

My boy and I

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time you’ll know

The good thing about having your last name start with B, you get to go first.

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

So proud!

‘Cause, baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

First Grade here I come

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

Turning his back on childhood and headed towards adulthood….hardly, he’s wearing Batman underwear and I to carry rock him for a good 15 minutes while he cried over falling off his sisters tricycle just two hours prior to this.

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through-ough-ough

Making that big walk towards his diploma

‘Cause, baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

The best principal/ kindergarten teacher combo ever!

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

There is no way he would have gone to Kindergarten at all if it weren’t for this girl

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

He’s official – no get out there boy and get yourself a summer job!

See what I mean? They are each a little firework, full of potential and beauty, just waiting to burst in sky.  Happy Graduation Little Man, it didn’t hurt as bad as I was expecting – though don’t be mad at me when I refer to you as still in Kindergarten up until the first day of school in August.

(P.S. – I have no idea why the pictures are wonky like this)

Ironing and a Date Night

I’m ironing today.

And by the looks of what I am ironing, I am pretty sure that I will be crying later this evening, as well.  I have chosen to spend the hours leading up to my little baby boy’s immersion into adulthood ( I might be overreacting a touch), in denial and focusing on minute, insignificant, totally irrelevant errands.  I have made it my day’s accomplishments to worry about how I am going to get to the party store and buy 3 (not 2, not 4 – but 3) blue balloons to tie to my mailbox to accompany the “Congrats Grad” yard sign before I pick the boy up from school……….while the small one is still napping.

Mountains out of Molehills, that is my motto and aim today.

On a sunnier note, some fellow mamas and I decided to take our boys out on a date this past Monday night.  It was partly a Mother’s Day gift to these basketball lovin’ ladies, partly a fun time to enjoy with our boys before they decide we are no longer cool, and partly as a subconscious nugget to be tucked away in their little brains.  One day, when they meet a girl who they think is wonderful and they fall head over heels……maybe stop making their moms their number 1……they will remember who took them to an NBA Playoff game……..it wasn’t her……it was mama.  And those tickets weren’t cheap.

We surprised our boys, waiting for the very last possible moment to tell them about our evening plans.  For me, that meant that we went to soccer as usual, went home as usual and then i “remembered” that I needed to run to the post office and wanted Reese to go with me.  He protested.  Brandon got the girls out of the car and when they were out of sight, I tossed him his pre packed bag of Grizz Swag and told him were weren’t going to the post office.  They were so excited!

Sadly, this is not the least bit posed, nor was I really even aware that this picture was being taken. This is how I watch my game.

This woman seemed absolutely repulsed that she had to sit by our sons. She glared throughout the entire game and was even wearing ear plugs! I consider it a successful evening if I come home without having had a drink spilled down my back and only being hit in the head 5-10 times. It’s a live sporting event lady, it’s going to be loud. And we are each crammed into a space smaller than a locker so it’s highly possible there might be some contact with another person. Well, she entertained us at least even if she wasn’t.

Happy times

The mamas and the mama’s boys

Not so Happy Times

It was a late game, but those boys were wide awake! I wish our Grizzlies had been as wide awake because the outcome wasn’t so hot for us, but it was still easily a moment that I will tuck away forever.  I am enjoying our basketball love, my boy.  I love that we both get nervous and anxious and without noticing that the other one is also doing it, we both end up putting our complimentary “Growl Towel” on our head or attempt to hide behind it.  I love that you cheer and clap even if no one else is and how you talk to the players, sometimes just cheering them on, sometimes irritated, sometimes very calmly as though they can actually hear your coaching.  I hope that this is a tradition we will keep up, as long as Memphis keeps making it to the Playoffs and Daddy keeps letting us buy overpriced tickets.  Thank you boys for being the best dates we ladies have had in a long time and we can’t wait to do it again soon!

Life’s About Changin’ Nothin’ Ever Stays the Same

Things have come up lately.  It’s not so much that we have been so busy, just exhausted, or just dealing.  Sometimes trudging through something can be pretty consuming work.  Don’t get me wrong, we haven’t been in the middle of some sort of family crisis or peril lately, but as Reese very eloquently put it the other night when I was tucking him in, “These are some really big steps to have to take, and I don’t really feel like I can see where I’m supposed to be going next.”

Our family theme song feels like it could be the Patti Loveless classic, “How Can I Help You to Say Good-bye”.  I can say with confidence that every verse of the song has been recreated in some form or another in the last few weeks.

Through the back window of a ’59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin’ further away
I kept on waving ’till I couldn’t see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn’t stay
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye
It’s OK to hurt, and it’s OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye

Only one set of our people has officially moved, but the crying and holding about the others who will be moving has definitely started.  It’s very hard to know what to say to your little ones when people that they hold very dear, their dear friends, their family are leaving to go somewhere else.  You tell them it has nothing to do with them, that they aren’t being abandoned and that their lives will stay the same, but that’s not true.  It’s the people in our lives that make up the landscape of our little world and with these key players gone, our lives will change. But they would have changed anyway, just because…….maybe it would have been more subtle, but there would still be change.  And sometimes change can be wonderful, sometimes change is absolutely necessary and we look back and question why we were ever afraid or worried.  But it’s hard to sound convincing of that when I try to soothe my kids, when I myself am not totally buying it.  And at the current moment, we just aren’t ready to let go.

This one still has me in denial and I am not ready to talk about it yet.

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye
It’s OK to hurt, and it’s OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye

This is not pertaining to my personal marriage, but I do have a handful of very dear people, families that feel like part of my own, who are tackling this.  And though I’m not walking the road personally, it can still be very painful to have to watch those that you care for navigating through it.  Things suddenly take on a whole new light, when you are seeing it from a different perspective.  Things are complicated and messy and painful….and slow.  It is a very rough blow to realize there are very rarely clear-cut right answers.  And again, explaining to the kids that people they love will break promises.  Nothing is perfect and nothing is 100% safe.  Everything can change and when it does, it’s effects will have ripples that will be long-lasting and surprisingly far-reaching.

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye
It’s OK to hurt, and it’s OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye

How can I help you to say goodbye

This has been the hardest and most recent.  Our year started with the loss of our long loved pup Crosby.  And though he was just an animal, who spoke no words and really didn’t help out with anything, he was a member of our family and he is still being mourned.  Not a day goes by where one of us doesn’t mention him and I would be lying if I said I don’t subconsciously look for him every morning when I walk into the kitchen or when I arrive home from some errands.  And every time, I am just a little bit surprised when I don’t see him.  The kids are having dreams about him and we may have missed a turn the other day while driving behind a jeep that had a labby in it.  The dog had its head out the window, enjoying the ride and the wind in his ears, and we were just enjoying watching the happy yellow face because it looked so much like one that we miss.

A day after Crosby passed away, Brandon’s Aunt Monica lost her battle with cancer.  This one wasn’t so hard because the kids were so close to her, but more so because Mattie had believed with every ounce of her little heart that Aunt Monica would eventually get better.  She was absolutely devastated when this didn’t happen and it took at lot of tears and anger to explain that sometimes God answers our prayers no.  We don’t understand and may not ever understand, this side of Heaven, but He still has a plan.  And He still hears and listens to our prayers, His knowledge just way exceeds our own.

And just this past weekend, we said good-bye to our Grandpa.  This one went fast and though you always have an understanding that time doesn’t stand still, that the elderly will not suddenly spring up with the same strength and vitality as when they were 25, it can still rock you to your core when someone who has been a constant since your time began, is no longer there.

I don’t really have a lot of memories of my Grandpa that I can tell as stories.  My cousin and brother would probably have more of those.  Grandpa was always available to me, but I wasn’t particularly attracted to the things that kept him busy.  I do have a lovely tale I could share about me vomiting on their carpeted bathroom floor, that is still a very vivid memory, but I don’t know that anyone really wants to listen to that.  My Grandpa had a ready smile and a gentle laugh.  He could fix anything and when Brandon and I still lived in Tulsa, he came over quite regularly to act as our handy man.  He let me roast hot dogs in their fire-place and blew up pool toys with the air compressor even though I ALWAYS went straight to the gravel driveway to test out my air-filled toy.  He wore his fancy leather jacket on dress up occasions and for the longest time, I truly thought his hair was made of silver.  I have memory feelings, senses…..I can smell Grandpa, a mix of different things and it probably changed a little over the 30+ years that I knew him, but at the same time was always the same.  I can see his hands perfectly in my mind and I can hear his voice.  He always called my Grandma “Sugar” and when we were younger, my brother and I used to try our best to sound like him and call one another by his little pet name.  When Mumsey and Poppy have a disagreement now, Poppy will always use Grandpa’s term of endearment, in his best Grandpa voice to try to lighten the mood and make her smile.  You can’t be mad at someone when they’re calling you “Sugar.”  My Grandpa wore cowboy boots for as long as I knew him and I brought a pair of those boots home with me after we came back from Oklahoma this past weekend.  My intentions were to save them for Reese one day, but instead they have found themselves a permanent home on my console table.  Just a little reminder that he was here and his story helped to write ours.

And no one else will ever be able to fill his boots.

A few of our other good-byes have been to my favorite light-hearted t.v. show Hart of Dixie, my favorite character on C.S.I – I have watched that show faithfully since it came out and was just devastated when Nick Stokes walked out of the crime lab.  The Kate Spade store closed without warning.  Mattie is mourning leaving Ms. Williams’ Classroom and Reese, well, we aren’t talking about life after Friday when he is officially finished with kindergarten.  He also lost his front tooth yesterday morning – my heart is just about to up and call it quits.  No more, no more I say!