Avoidance

I have about 5 minutes.  Not 5 minutes to type, though that could easily be true, but 5 minutes before things get really messy, chaotic, a little anxiety-ridden, but with a hearty serving of happy in there, too. The Fall decorations have come down and are packed up in their bins, waiting for their trip back up to the attic.  I am in full support of their voyage back into the dark over my garage.  But once they go up, something else must come down…………

……………..the Christmas decorations!!!!!

My house is currently dressed in just our regular, any other day, knick-knacks and there is an unseasonal candle burning.  There is absolutely nothing in my home that would give off any indicator of what month it now is and I have to be honest, I am kinda enjoying it.  I was getting tired of pumpkin spice everything and its been kinda nice to have a day or two of just hazelnut in my coffee before diving right in to peppermint.

I’m not sure if I’m feeling Scroogey this year, or if the fact that it has been raining so much and we weren’t able to go and get our Sunday after Thanksgiving Christmas tree just has me off balance.  I think what it really comes down to is that I am feeling lazy.  Not so much lazy about setting up all the decorations, but definitely lazy about the taking them all down again part.  I think I’m also feeling a little lazy about the vortex that is Christmas.  There are tons of magically delightful events, surprises and traditions surrounding our holiday, but once the ride gets started it’s going to be at least 25 days of insanity.  Often pleasant insanity, more manic really, but definitely insane.  And really, I’ve created it all myself.

When there was only the one, or even two but they were little, I tried to do special things with them.  Make those meaningful traditions, either that I had done when I was little or that looked super cute in my Parent’s Magazine…..because my time was the best gift I could give them, right?   But now, 3 kids in and time going faster and faster – even those free, easy to do little sparkles are getting harder and harder to keep up with and even remember to do.  We have our little advent calendar, a little door to open every day leading up to Christmas.  I used to just put a little piece of candy in there, or a quarter….very low-key.  But then they got bigger and started hoarding the candy and soon after the squabbles about “that’s not your quarter, that’s mine I didn’t get mine yesterday” just sucked the fun out of that. So then I started putting activities in the doors, things like coco before bed under the tree.  But that can become a little difficult too.  When you find yourself yelling to your children about hurrying up with the dinner and showers, so you can enjoy a relaxing memory under the tree before the clock strikes 8:30 – a little of the glitter gets lost.

I also get a little (a lot) overwhelmed with gift buying.  I decided a few years back to go with the 4 gift rule – Something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read.  In my head, I felt like this would really simplify things….it even rhymes. But it has actually proved to still be its own kind of complicated.  What if the something they want is actually something they can wear?  Or if the something they need is school uniform pants and that’s just a terrible gift to open Christmas morning?! So far this year, Reese’s something he needs is a new raincoat and Lila’s is a new duvet cover for the big girl bed we have yet to set up for her.  I think at this point, Brandon and I are enjoying the challenge of seeing if we can keep the girl in her crib until she starts school. I know, these are all real desperate problems aren’t they?

I guess what it all really comes down to is that I feel very busy and rushed during Christmas, I love it and treasure it – but I also worry that the real point of the holiday is getting missed even though I work so hard to make it meaningful…..too often losing my own joy because my family isn’t responding with the level of sincerity or giving spirit as I feel they should be.

So this year, I’m hanging on to this moment before our Christmas Shuttle launches.  I’m going to drink my normally flavored coffee and wear my not Christmas plaid pajamas, staring at only the dog kennel decorating the corner of my living room. I’m going to get my head together, not to make this that elusive unicorn known as “The Best Christmas Ever”, but one that we all enjoy.  One where Mama doesn’t lose it because its already December 10th and she hasn’t taken the Christmas Card picture yet or where I feel like having a panic attack because I can’t find the perfect “Dirty Santa” gift….because everyone knows that the party is only good if the perfect mix of desirable, as well as wretched gifts are brought.

I think at this point, my kids still love Christmas, but my days are numbered, before they start remembering more of the “Mama lost her mind” moments.

And on a completely random note, you probably can’t see this reading at home, but WordPress has changed things up a bit.  One of those changes is my little control panel bar thingy at the top and I cannot find the icon to spellcheck.  Every now and then, I read old posts and it doesn’t appear from those that I really believe in editing.  But I always gave each post at least a run-thru of good ol’ spellcheck before I put it on display.  So that is just my public service announcement that I know there are probably spelling/grammar issues in this, but I would rather think about my plan to simplify Christmas than to read back over this and fix them.

 

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